Perception, Reality, and the Body Politic

November 6th, 2007 · 4 Comments

Earlier I wrote, more or less, that a vivid personality, confidence, and a snazzy manicure have more of an impact on people’s perceptions than does your weight.

Not so! says reader Yasmin, in a late-breaking comment to that old post:

I honestly do think that people treat you when you are thin differently regardless of how you feel about yourself…

Let me explain why I think this. Back in 2001 I had gotten up to around 165 pounds (ironic that I am now “down” to 165! moving on…) and started WW for the first time. I started the program around 1 month into a 1-year master’s program. I started losing weight quickly and got down to 135 by early spring.

Looking at the difference in my social life those 2 semesters is very interesting. I started to be asked to hang out with - to be blunt - the better-looking, thinner people in the program. People (men and women) that I had previously made efforts to get to know suddenly wanted to get to know me…I was the same person both semesters, and was just as outgoing both semesters, really I think the only difference was the weight.

Maybe I was slightly more confident, but in that setting - grad school - I was confident to begin with because the focus was on intelligence, not looks. I really don’t think that that change accounts for the huge disparity in treatment.

I don’t think that the people who befriended me after I lost weight were bad people, but I do think that people in general want to be around good-looking people, all other things (personality, intelligence) being equal. It isn’t fair, and I don’t like it, but I 100% believe it.

So there it is, a good dose of realism to sit along side my sunshiny optimism.

I’m not part of the fat acceptance movement: I like being slim and bendy and I think it’s a goal worth spending some effort on. (Of course, by local LA standards, I’m taking one for the fat girls every time I zip into my size-8s, but c’est dommage.)

But here’s a question: By trying to lose, are we feeding a bogus cultural paradigm that says fat = worthless? And if we are, do we care?

Tags: Body Image

4 responses so far ↓

1 Amanda // Nov 6, 2007 at 3:27 pm

My experience with losing weight mirrors Yasmin’s. People talked to me more and interacted with me more after I dropped the 35 pounds I’d gained. I think it had to do with my demeanor and how I carried myself. Instead of trying to hide and be ashamed, I suddenly carried myself with confidence… I think no matter your SIZE or WEIGHT, if you carry yourself with respect and confidence, all eyes will be on you because people respond to that.
2 Melissa H. // Nov 6, 2007 at 3:49 pm

Beautifully said Yasmin and Amanda…I had a similar experience with how people treated me when I was thinner, but I do believe it’s how you carry yourself and I was probably exuding more confidence.

In the end, the shallow truth is, people want to be around pretty, thin people. Fat isn’t worthless, of course not, but thin is “in” whether we like it or not.

What’s funny is on the Today Show they talked about penguins gaining weight prior to mating…how it was attractive for these animals to know the penguin you mated with was robust enough… sure doesn’t work that way on the human side of the aisle.
3 Kate Temple-West // Nov 8, 2007 at 5:25 am

I have never been overweight, but have also (almost) never been model thin. I want to take up space. I do not want to look like a strong gust of wind might blow me over.

However, I lost weight before my wedding due nerves and a massive sinus infection that made eating unpleasant. I got so many comments about how wonderful I looked. I only looked that way because I was sick and stressed out– in a weakened state.

If a woman looks like she wouldn’t need much makeup to play a Victorian consumptive convincingly– just add a few beads of sweat, darken her eyes a bit, muss up her hair and stick her in bed— then she is too thin.

The desire to be “red carpet” thin is a capitulation to a culture that wants women to be weak.
4 Yasmin // Nov 12, 2007 at 11:30 pm

Glad I could offer up some “food” for thought! :)