The Loser Treatment

October 22nd, 2007 · 5 Comments

Do people treat you differently since you’ve lost weight?

A commenter today at Diet Blog said that people were warmer and more attentive even after she lost 5 pounds. My boyfriend has said that when he was ripped and lean, people (especially women) treated him differently.

I’m skeptical. Other than more attention from guys at bars, I don’t feel like people treated me differently when I was 40 pounds heavier. And let me say - I’m not one of those lucky people whose face stays thin as she gains. I immediately go Staypuff Marshmallow Man. It ain’t pretty. But fortunately, I was still a confident, happy chick even when my mug looked like it had been inflated with a bellows.

What I’m proposing is that fat is a factor, but not the primary factor. How people treat you has more to do with how you feel and present yourself than how much you weigh. In other words, when you feel like you’re Queen of Sheba, brows groomed and chin(s) high, other people do too. When you smile warmly and speak engagingly, other people do too. Except the jerks, but jerks aren’t the norm. Unfortunately, since one jerk can ruin a day, I suspect they stick out in our memories.

I’m not saying people don’t pay attention to looks, but that other factors weigh more than fat (ack, no pun intended) in social intercourse — possibly even in sexual intercourse. Waist-hip ratios aside, “sexy” is more about mental shadow play than about the circumference of a thigh.

But how about you: How much have you lost, and have you noticed people treating you differently? And a follow-up question: Did you notice you treating yourself differently?

(Tune in tomorrow: More on coping with the 6-month plateau…)

Tags: Body Image · Health News

5 responses so far ↓

1 Melissa H. // Oct 22, 2007 at 5:21 pm

I think maybe our perceptions of how people treat us might be different more than how they actually treat us, if that makes any sense.

The past three years, I have kept off about 25 of 35 lost (or 30, depending on my scale and the day!) and I agree Sara that it’s how you carry yourself more than what you carry on yourself. But I do believe the two can be inter-related.

I think I was always a fairly confident, outgoing and friendly person so losing weight just made me *more* comfortable meeting new people and being out there in the working world. Even heavier, I was still the same, just maybe less visbily secure. So people might have treated me better–or I perceived it that way–because I was more secure in my own sense of being.

In fact, when I first started losing, I found myself making eye contact more often, being more assertive at work, and in general, feeling better about myself. I am sure that was on display in how I carried myself to others.

As time has gone on, I’ve not gained back enough to feel unconfident, per se, but I do feel a little awkward in my own skin right now–which very well could be in my head. I think I am treating myself worse now that I’ve gained some back…and this post really posed that question b/c I did treat myself better when I lost than I have as of late… Thanks for the thought-provoking qs :)
2 Sara // Oct 22, 2007 at 11:03 pm

Hi Melissa! You wrote: “In fact, when I first started losing, I found myself making eye contact more often, being more assertive at work, and in general, feeling better about myself. I am sure that was on display in how I carried myself to others.”

This was exactly what I was wondering - do we start carrying ourselves differently when we feel good about how we look?– and are those behavioral changes responsible for how others treat us, if they do treat us differently?

Also, how we feel can affect how we interpret people’s treatment of us…It’s definitely all interrelated… and complicated!!
3 Melissa H. // Oct 23, 2007 at 2:01 pm

People sense confidence… So I DO think we start carrying ourselves differently, especially those of us who were always chunky and suddenly “got thin”…

I used to say it took my mind a lot longer to catch up to my body, but in retrospect, even if I didn’t always THINK I was thin (when I was), my actions spoke louder than the nagging voice in my head telling me I was still 5 lbs from goal.

I took command at work . Then, I quit one job and moved on to another, better-paying, more interesting one. I was far more playful/flirty with now DH and I finally enjoyed shopping without tears–everything was just slipping on!

I absolutely am conviced I carried myself differently. And now that I’ve gained some, I want to remember how confident I felt then and exude it–so I can re-lose…and even if I don’t, still maintain that confidence.

Such a tricky thing. I’d be curious to see what other people have experienced.
4 Yasmin // Oct 31, 2007 at 7:27 am

I know this isn’t the most recent of the posts, but I had to comment.

I actually was just talking about this the other day and I honestly do think that people treat you when you are thin differently regardless of how you feel about yourself…

Let me explain why I think this. Back in 2001 I had gotten up to around 165 pounds (ironic that I am now “down” to 165! moving on…) and started WW for the first time. I started the program around 1 month into a 1-year master’s program. I started losing weight quickly and got down to 135 by early spring.

Looking at the difference in my social life those 2 semesters is very interesting. I started to be asked to hang out with - to be blunt - the better-looking, thinner people in the program. People (men and women) that I had previously made efforts to get to know suddenly wanted to get to know me…I was the same person both semesters, and was just as outgoing both semesters, really I think the only difference was the weight.

Maybe I was slightly more confident, but in that setting - grad school - I was confident to begin with because the focus was on intelligence, not looks. I really don’t think that that change accounts for the huge disparity in treatment.

I don’t think that the people who befriended me after I lost weight were bad people, but I do think that people in general want to be around good-looking people, all other things (personality, intelligence) being equal. It isn’t fair, and I don’t like it, but I 100% believe it.

Just my 2 cents. :)
5 Perception and Reality // Nov 6, 2007 at 5:40 am

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